Shinra vs. Microsoft
by Rufus J ShinRa1
Summary: The hilarous sequal to Shinra vs. Starbucks. Bill Gates has taken control of Shinra now it is up to Rufus and AVALANCHE to stop this crazed industrilest while the Turks get addicted to computers and E-mail.


  
  
  
Shinra vs. Microsoft. The sequal to Shinra vs. Starbucks.  
  
  
  
  
  
Two guards escorted Sephiroth who had failed his master and now he stood before a nerdy looking man with glasses.  
  
"You failed to take over Shinra with Starbucks." Bill Gates the notorious leader of Microsoft said.  
  
"I'm sorry master I-" Sephiroth started.  
  
"Silence! You had your chance. I sentence you to using a computer what only has Windows 3.1.!" Gates roared.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!!!!" Sephiroth cried as the guards dragged him away.  
  
"Now to unleash true horrer on ShinRa.....MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!" Bill Gates roared.  
  
"NO!!!! 3.1. can't handle Halflife!!!!!" Sephiroith screamed in the distance.  
  
  
[Shinra Hq]  
  
Tseng was playing with his bouncy ball. Natrually it ended up hitting Reno in the eye.  
  
"Ow dammit stop that!" Reno said clutching his eye.  
  
"Tseng why don't you take out your electronic toys and we can play a prank on Rufus." Elena said.  
  
A smile spread on Tseng's face.  
  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Rufus was typing on his computer when a remote controlled car came into his room.  
  
"What the hell is this thing?" Rufus said and he screamed when it hit his foot.  
  
"Dammit! I'll get-" It hit him in the leg causing him to fall over.  
  
"You've won this round." Rufus roared as the car ran over his face. Rufus reached for his trusty shotgun.  
  
"It looks like the tables have turn-OW!" Rufus screamed as a remote controlled toy helicopter flew into the room hitting him on the head with it's blades.  
  
"SEND IN THE TURKS!!!!!!!" Rufus yelled and Reno and Tseng both carrying remote controlls came in.  
  
"Yes sir?" They said innocently. Rufus flared up.  
  
"Who's responsible for this?" Rufus roared.  
  
"Elena." Both Turks said. Elena looked suprised.  
  
"WHAT? she yelled. Elena's face was burning with anger.  
  
"If it happens again your pay is cut in half." Rufus roared and the Turks left snickering.  
  
"Hey there are some boxes in the mail for us." Reno said opening one.  
  
"Let's see......Laptops?" Elena said. A grin came on the faces of the Turks.  
  
"YEAH WE GOT LAPTOPS!!!!! IN YOUR FACE EXECS!!!!!!" The Turks roared carrying thier bounty to thier apartments. Bill Gates hid in the background.  
  
"Enjoy it folks....it will be your last as the power of the internet consumes you.....wahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahah!!!!!" Gates roared.  
  
  
  
[Reno's apartment]  
  
  
"Wow I have E-mail. It's a link to a website." Reno said as he clicked the link.  
  
"You must be over 18 to enter this website......Hey I'm over 18." Reno said. Reno's eyes widened on the content of the page.  
  
"WO-OW!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
[Tseng's apartment]  
  
  
Tseng was up all night on his laptop. He was sending E-mails...IM's everything. He took a sip of decaffinated coffee [He wasn't taking any chances] And he played with a Yo-Yo while typed.  
  
"I think I'll order a new electric toy car of Ebay." Tseng said to himself.  
  
"WHat size do I want.....hmmm....."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ the next day]  
  
  
"Reno where were you?" Rufus said. Reno eyes had wide pupils.  
  
"The Promised land." Reno said gleefully.  
  
"You were in the North Cave?" Rufus asked and Reno shook his head.  
  
"No a diffrent one." Reno said. Rufus looked intrested.  
  
"Maybe I should see this Promised Land." Rufus said and Reno nodded.   
Rufus caught ELena sneaking out the front door.  
  
"And where do you think YOU are going?" Rufus roared.   
  
"I need to go home and check my E-mail." Elena said and Rufus held her back.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I NEED TO CHECK MY E-MAIL!!!!!!"  
  
"GUARDS! HOLD HER BACK!" Rufus yelled and two Shinra guards held Elena back.  
  
"THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT!!!!!" Elena yelled stuggling just as a remote control car the size of a real monster truck crashed through the front door.  
  
"Like it Mr.President?" Tseng said and Rufus ran away screaming as Rude brought his Laptop in with him.  
  
"Man I was talking to a chick on IM last night....." Rude said smiling but the smile was wiped off his face as a Yo-yo hit him in the face.  
  
"TSENG!!!!!"  
  
"Sorry Rude." Tseng said and pressed buttons on the remote causing his new "Toy" to tear up the lobby. All of a sudden a flash of light appeared and a small nerdy looking man stood there.  
  
"Hello I am the one who gave you the laptops. You must now bow down to me!" Gates roared.  
  
"Will we get faster modems?" Reno asked.   
  
Gates nodded. The Turks got down on thier knees and started worshipping Gates.  
  
"Now...Where is President Rufus?" Gates asked.  
  
"I'll never crack." Tseng answered but Gates held up a copy of Solider of Fourtune. Tseng perked up.  
  
"70TH FLOOR! TAKE MY KEY CARD!" Tseng said handing his Key card to Gates. Gates took the key and went on the elevator.  
  
  
  
  
[Rufus's office]  
  
"President Rufus Mr.Gates is here to see you." The secretary said. Rufus looked at Gates.  
  
"FOR THE LAST TIME I DON'T WANT ANY NERD-SCOUT COOKIES!!!!!!!!" Rufus yelled.  
  
"Oh actually I'm here for your company." Gates said.  
  
"Oh yeah? Turks!" Rufus yelled. Nothing happned.  
  
"Ha,Ha,Ha....The Turks are under my control." Gates said and picked Rufus up by the shirt.  
  
"Um.....mommy..." Rufus said as Gates tossed him through the 70th floor.  
  
  
  
[Honey bee Inn]  
  
The Honeybee girls were in thier dressing room as Rufus crashed through the floor. Rufus opened up his eyes. Seeing the girls in thier dressing room caused him to faint again as they screamed and tossed him out the door.  
  
"Damn....my company got taken over again." Rufus said.  
  
"I can help you......" a voice said.  
  
"Who's there?" Rufus asked. The voice came closer.  
  
"I cannot tell you who I am...." The voice said and Rufus looked closer.  
  
"Oh hi Cloud!" Rufus said and Cloud smaked his forehead.  
  
"DAMMIT! Anyway I'll help you stop Gates." Cloud said and Rufus looked at him skepticly.  
  
"Why do you want to help me?" Rufus asked.  
  
"Cause that damn Nerdie gave me Windows 2000 and it was full of bugs!" Cloud said angrily. Rufus nodded.  
  
"Let's devise a plan."  
  
  
  
[AVALANCHE HQ]   
  
"Okay....so you want us to attack Microsoft." Tifa said. Rufus nodded.  
  
"Well...Gates is currently in Shinra Hq.....how are we going to get in?" Cid asked. Rufus perked up.  
  
"Last time we cured the Turks from thier coffee addiction....we just need to find a way to get them off the computer.' Rufus said.  
  
"I know how. We go to AOL and make them cancel thier accounts. Then they can't use the internet cause thier computers can only support AOL and they can only have limited fun playing computer games."  
  
"I'll do it." Rufus said.  
  
  
  
[AOL HQ]  
  
"Who the hel's in my office?" Steve Case roared. Rufus turned around in his chair.  
  
"I need to ask you a favor." Rufus said Case took a step back.  
  
"WHo the hell are you?" He said. Rufus stood up.  
  
"A villan from Final Fantasy VII in the video game world...." Rufus said.  
  
"SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Case yelled. Nothing.  
  
"Where are they?" Case said and Rufus pulled out his shotgun and Case gulped.  
  
"Now your going to do two things...Kill the Turks AOL account and give me 6.0" Rufus snarled.  
  
"S-sure no problem." Case said. Things were working out. Rufus took a sip of some coffee and spit it out.  
  
"This stuff tastes like skin flakes!!!!!!!!!!!!" He said.  
  
"S-sorry..." Case said.  
  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
  
"You guys....our accounts are gone." Reno said weeping.  
  
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tseng yelled his hands on his head. No more talking to annynomus girls on the internet. How would Tseng survive?  
  
"Quit whining!" Gates said and the Turks faced him.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!" Tseng said and all four Turks charged at him.  
  
"I'll show you True power! Transformation!!!!!!!!!!" Gates yelled and a bright light blinded the room.  
  
  
  
[Meanwhile........."  
  
Sephiroth kicked the guard down.  
  
"N-no one makes me use...3.1..." Sephiroth said swinging his Masamune.  
  
"I'm going back to my world and teaching Gates a lesson....stupid Nerdie is in for it!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sephiroth roared and flew off for the RPG world.  
  
  
  
  
  
[Shinra HQ]  
  
"GATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rufus yelled. Then Rufus saw the Turks.  
  
"Oh Shit he beat them into last week." Rufus said. Cloud looked up.  
  
"There!" Cloud shouted pointing up. Gates stood on a pillar.  
  
"Ha,Ha, now feel my wrath as the Turks did AVALANCHE....Feel the power of Safer-Gates the One Winged PC!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gates yelled. All of a sudden a blue light shown in the room and there stood an imposing One Winged computer.  
  
"He's just a computer with a Black Materia cord. What can he do?" Cloud asked.  
  
"Watch out he's buying a laser cannon attatchment of Ebay!!!!!!!!!!" Tifa yelled as a laser cannon attatched itself to Gates. Safer-Gates flew around shooting at them with it's laser cannon while hovering in the air. They ran past two Shinra guards.  
  
"Hey man I just saw a One Winged computer chase the President and AVALNCHE around." a guard said.  
  
"Lay off the Vodka dude." The other said and went back to his post.  
  
Rufus aimed his shotgun and shot the computer knocking it back.  
  
"I think we got him!" Rufus yelled but Safer-Gates roared back to life.  
  
"He's upgraded to version 2.0!" Cloud said running. Rufus eyed the extension cord.  
  
"this is for everytime you lied to everyone saying Windows 2000 was Bug-free!!!!!!!!!!" Rufus said blowing the extension cord. Cloud geared up.  
  
"He's weakened! Shut him off incorrectly and he'll go into Scan Disk and we can kill him!" Cloud said flipping the power surge protecter. Safer-Gates went into scan disk.  
  
"BLOW HIM AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cid yelled and everyone prefomrmed thier Limit breaks on Safer-Gates.  
  
  
"W-we won." Rufus said but a laptop whacked him over the head. Safer-Gates's hardrive had switched to a laptop before they destroyed the PC form.  
  
"Feel the wrath of Windows 2000!!!!!!!!!!!" Gates said and everyone got on thier knees.  
  
"N-no spare us!!!!!!" Cloud said but Gates got closer and closer and Rufus shut his eyes. Safer-Gates screamed as a sword blade pierced him and destroyed him.  
  
There stood Sephiroth.  
  
"H-he alwaqys made me think t-that I was stupid and weak....and for a while.......I belived him." Sephiroth said retrieving his Masamune said.  
  
"Well.....who wants donuts?" Rufus said leaving the smoldering remains of the One Winged Laptop.  
  
"YAY! NO MORE BILL GATES OR WINDOWS 98!" Cloud said dancing around. They had finally won.  
  
  
  
  
  
[North Cave]  
  
  
Sephiroith sat at his dinner table with Jenova.  
  
"So son what did you do today?" Jenova said eating her home made fried Moogle.  
  
"Nothing mommy...I destroyed Bill Gates." Sephiroth said.   
  
"Well that's nice dear." Jenova said. Sephiroth took a bite of his chili chesse burger and passed gas. Maybe things would never change.....  
  
  
[Epilouge]  
  
Microsoft fell without thier evil leader. But Rufus forgot that one evil company still reigned..........Nike.  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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